by Kate Keefe Originally published 1 June 2023, The Tablet
The weather has finally got a little warmer and more reliable, the summer is coming, and we’re starting to think about liturgy and music planning for the First Holy Communions and the Confirmations. There was not enough time to fit the Confirmation classes in before Pentecost, so we’ll be having our Confirmation Mass in July.
We’re still not celebrating these sacraments as part of the normal parish Sunday Masses, which I think is a shame, but this is the legacy of Covid, when we could only have a few people per pew and everyone had to be kept at a distance from everyone else. The last couple of years we’ve done First Communions as extra weekend Masses, so people could attend suitably spaced out, but of course that meant that the parish wasn’t there in its usual formats.
Now on Sundays we are no longer limiting people-per-pew and everyone is feeling more relaxed, but this all takes time. Numbers remain slightly down, but there are probably just too many people to be able to add in several extra extended family groups without some members of the congregation feeling uncomfortable or at risk.
So the Communions and the Confirmations will be separate weekend Masses, and I’m supposed to be planning for the Confirmations. Someone else is doing the First Communions, and though I’d enjoy choosing hymns etc for those Masses, I’m glad not to have to deal with some other aspects.
I’ve done the First Communion Mass in the past (especially when I was helping to teach the course), and it’s fascinating dealing with the various cultural expectations – Catholic parishes are wonderfully mixed and multicultural, and every group knows exactly how a “proper” First Communion should be done.
Particularly with the little girls, some of the expectations make me queasy: I am worried, for example, by the mini-wedding-dress concept.
Symbols matter, appearances send messages, so what message are we trying to send here? I understand the white = innocence thing, that’s why we have christening robes, the priest’s alb, white flags, the Crusader’s white tunic and, yes, wedding dresses, but what are we meaning to do at First Holy Communion, dressing our little girls as brides? I think it’s possibly a mistaken conflation of the head-covering for Communion with a bridal veil.
The parish where I grew up was old-fashioned in many ways, and the parish priest insisted that women continue to cover their heads at Mass, for far longer than in many other parishes. My father used to carry a couple of extra (big, white, square) handkerchiefs so that he could drape them over our heads if we’d forgotten to bring anything, because Father would sweep past ignoring you if you were bareheaded (only the girls, of course). Occasionally we did forget, because my father also liked going to Mass extremely early on Sunday mornings, so there was always a bit of a rush and little room for error. I did and do object to compulsory head-covering – there were several old ladies in the congregation who always wore black lace headscarves, and that was fine, but I didn’t and still don’t see why the rest of us were expected to join in.
At university I discovered how old-fashioned my parish had been (which, to be fair, had a lot of pluses to offset the minuses – I am comfortable with Latin as well as English, and I have an embarrassingly large repertoire of nineteenth-century hymns), and I haven’t worn a head-covering at Mass since, except when I got married, and later, woolly hats in Eastern European winters with unheated churches. I also discovered that other parishes actually did the Sign of Peace, and that was quite startling too. My home parish went on resisting it for years.
During my husband’s diplomatic career, I was slightly worried about a potential posting to Rome, because protocol prescribed a black mantilla for a diplomatic wife (the Vatican remains one of the few postings where you actually need a full diplomatic service uniform), and I felt that since I didn’t wear one for God, it would be awkward to have to wear one for the Pope. Luckily, my husband’s tastes and talents meant that he specialised in Eastern Europe, so I could observe Orthodox services without having to compromise my principles.
I’m prepared to wear something to fit in with other religions’ cultural norms, but when it’s my own religion, I know what the rules are and what they aren’t.
So I think the wedding dress thing for First Holy Communion is partly due to confusion over veils, but I have watched with some concern as the dresses have become floor-length, increasingly meringue-y and very expensive, because I don’t think this is an important aspect of the ceremony. I am bothered by the people making lots of money out of it and the whole idea of fashion parades for children, like those scary events in the US with the children in full make-up as well as fake bridal gear. I don’t think the Church should be lending itself to this.
And what about the boys? Possibly this has got better over time. My brothers and my sons just wore clean white shirts (my brothers with a tie, our sons without) and shorts from their school uniform, but my husband remembers a procession where one unlucky boy of the correct size had to wear the white silk knickerbockers, and he was so glad that it wasn’t him. He also remembers his sisters arguing over who the frilly First Holy Communion knickers actually belonged to.
Our girls wore pretty dresses, but not wedding dresses. I remember Rachel’s was white with little flowers on it, and my mother presented us with the family first Communion veil which I and my sisters had worn (Rachel was the first grandchild, so there was no competition), and all our girls wore it in turn, even though the wreath is now rather wonky. I don’t remember what dress our other daughters wore, though they might; I suspect we recycled the same dress, while it survived, because it was simple and pretty. I should dig out the photographs and check.
Because we were away from home at the time, the group of children was very mixed, so there wasn’t the same pressure towards uniformity that you can see in parish First Communion photographs. This probably helped, as I wouldn’t have wanted to put the girls into an uncomfortable position for the sake of my convictions.
However, I’m not doing the First Communion Masses this year, so I’m concentrating on the music for the Confirmations. Because it will be a special Mass, there is licence to choose the readings, so I need to discover what Father is planning (hopefully in conjunction with the group of Confirmandi), as I really like to integrate the hymns with the readings.
But also I need to have a chance to discuss with the group what they would like and what they know (both important). We can teach them something special if they are interested, but it’s important that most of the music is familiar. We’re happy to be eclectic, but I want the Mass to hang together as a coherent whole. And the congregation needs to see doing the singing as its own job, though I hope to have at least some of the choir there to lead.
I’m looking forward to meeting the group. They are teenagers, and only a few of them will be regulars at the Mass where I help with the Sunday music, so it will be interesting. (There are several Masses in our parish, and not very much cross-over.) If they are coming to the preparation classes, they are clearly invested in the event, but no one is going to make them wear particular outfits or do anything which might embarrass them. We all just need to concentrate on making the Mass meaningful, memorable, spiritual and beautiful, so no pressure.
I imagine that we will be looking at many of the same Holy Spirit hymns that we’ve just had for Pentecost, but I’m hoping that the children will also have favourites as other suggestions. There’s a bit more room than usual for hymns in a Confirmation Mass, because there is the actual administering of the sacrament, which acts like a second Communion queue. So I hope there will be room to include music which the children like.
A wide variety is a good thing at a Mass like this, because we hope that extended families will be there, and we need something for the older generation to enjoy as well. We have the organ available, or a keyboard, but we won’t have a guitar for that Mass. That too will affect any musical choices, because some of the slower hymns work better with guitars than with keyboard instruments.
The main thing is for everyone to be able to take part enthusiastically and to enjoy it, as we pray for our young people at this important stage in their life in the Church. I’m hoping for Now thank we all our God as the final hymn, whatever else we might be singing. Nearly everyone knows it, it has a great old German tune, and the words could hardly be more apposite.
First we look back, and thank God who has brought us to this day: “who from our mother’s arms has blessed us on our way / With countless gifts of love, and still is ours today”. That is exactly what the families will be thinking as they see their young people choosing to be counted as Christian adults.
Then we look forwards, and the hymn goes on to ask God to be near all of us and keep us safe for the rest of our lives, and after. Those are exactly the prayers we want to make on Confirmation Day, and best of all, we can do it in song.
© Kate Keefe 2023
